Rendered Past

Cool breeze kissed my cheeks. Muffled noise in the distance. ‘Who the fuck is that? It’s like middle of the night. Pls stop.’ i said to myself, too tired to say it out loud.

Then someone spoke. “Now what?”

What the… I grumpily opened my eyes. hell?.. I’m not in my bed anymore…

I’m sitting on a bench, surrounded by trees, wearing my usual green hoodie.

“Hey?”. It sounded so familiar. I looked at my left and I saw her. I was stunned. It’s her. It’s A.

She’s facing the other side of park. She’s wearing her gray sweater that i used to love. God she’s cute.

Why are you doing this to me brain?!
“Hm. Yah sorry I spaced out.” I said. Wait did I?

“You said we’re going to talk bout us” she replied.

“Yah uhm… like i said in the msg that I’m ready… I want to let you go” yup great it’s the past me who’s talking. and I’m going to see it all again horray! fck…

“But why! What’s the reason!?” i can see that tears starts to fill her eyes.

I can barely look at her. “i dont know…” i said softly.

She always cover her face when she noticed that I’m looking at her. But now she’s covering her facr because her tears are slowly falling from her eyes.

“You dont know? How the hell you dont know”muffled but i can still hear her.

“I do know…”.
I’m shitty i said to myself

“Then what is it”

“I dont want to hurt you anymore…”
(Yup I know it’s a stupid excuse. But it’s true… we always fight ’bout something ).
“I want you to be happy. And by looking what’s happening to us lately we’re still going to end up in this situation.”

and there’s a long silence… both of us crying.. we both still love each other.

After that we talked a little bit then got up from the bench and walked. An awkward walk.

Then I stopped for a moment.

“What?” She asked.

“Can I hug you one last time?”
Before she can even answer. I grabbed her and hugged her tight and she hugged me back.

Then she tiptoed and her warm lips met mine. and I also kissed her back.

It was the longest minute of my day

Then suddenly there’s this loud buzzing sound and I cant hear anymore what’s shes saying.

I opened my eyes and the loud noise is still there. It was my alarm. I swiped snooze and covered my face again with the blanket.

Fuck you brain.
I can feel the tear that tracing my cheeks and I just let it fall.

I miss her.